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Anon720155 · 16d ago
Ethical dilemma alert. A few years ago I employed an old friend in my team (first mistake), but it ended up not working out (underperforming). They left on their own account. Fast forward to now and they're asking me to be a reference. I do want them to help them get a job, but I don't want to lie. What should I do??
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Anon989704 · 14d ago
If explaining you'd prefer not to isn't an option, I think an option is to provide them a written statement of service. As I understand it you can just confirm the time they were employed, key duties and that kind of thing.
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Louise · 2d ago
Adjunct Marker
Were they underperforming or were your expectations too high (due to them being a friend)? You said they left on own account - there’s a reason behind this, people often leave because of bad management or lack of support. Did you conduct a performance review, offer upskill training, give reasonable time to close gaps? These are questions you need to ask yourself before saying anything negative about someone’s performance. World of lack of jobs is tough out there so don’t hurt their chance.
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Owen · 3d ago
Oof, that’s such an awkward spot to be in.
I get wanting to help them, especially with the history there. But I also get not wanting to stretch the truth. That would feel heavy.
Maybe just be honest with them. Let them know you’re happy to be a reference, but you’d need to be truthful if asked about performance. Then it’s their call. You get to keep your integrity, and they’re not blindsided.
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Anon400535 · 21h ago
Selective truth over lying?
I've been a reference for a friend who we had to let go for reasons, and I just pushed the positives I could when asked. To help them get a role.
I didn't lie and told them up front I wouldn't
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Owen · 3d ago
Oof, that’s such an awkward spot to be in.
I get wanting to help them, especially with the history there. But I also get not wanting to stretch the truth. That would feel heavy.
Maybe just be honest with them. Let them know you’re happy to be a reference, but you’d need to be truthful if asked about performance. Then it’s their call. You get to keep your integrity, and they’re not blindsided.
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